I recently saw a question posed to the members of a forum for Christian Aspies. The person asked if God created Asperger’s or if we are some type of corruption from the “norm.”
I have heard many people ask variations of this question over the years and it is a great one. However, I don’t believe that the answer is so black and white.
The question itself implies that what is considered by society to be “normal” is actually God’s normal. I personally do not believe that it is. I don’t believe that God ever intended for society’s accepted normal to be what was normal for man.
See, when sin was brought into the picture it began to corrupt every cell of every human that existed and that followed. God’s intended normal was present in Adam and Eve prior to the fall. After that, it was a steady decline. What we are now are corrupted versions of what God originally intended so that even society’s “normal” isn’t even normal.
I will go even further to say that many forms of Asperger’s such as the honesty, adherence to rules, conviction when a rule is broken (sin), and even sensory processing issues.
In the garden man was not exposed to the overwhelming sensory input. In fact, man began in an agrarian society where people farmed, planted crops and lived off of the land. Life was perfect.
When sin entered the scene man began to degrade. NO ONE is normal, at least by God’s originally intended normal, any more.
So, did God create Asperger’s? I believe that He created ME. He created Aspies. He created all of us, but the corruption of sin is NOT His doing. And there are many, many shades of that corruption. In that respect, Aspies and “normal” people are on the same spectrum.
The more I am around people who are not handicapped, the more I realize that there is no place for me in the ‘normal’ world. I have never belonged and I never will. I want others who are handicapped, no matter what that looks like, to know, yes, I know how it feels to be an outcast.
I know how it feels for people to treat your handicap like it is an inconvenience to THEM. I know how it feels to have someone mistreat you because you have a handicap. I know what it feels like to have someone intentionally do things that target your handicap and cause pain or discomfort.
I know what it feels like to have people make certain you know that because you are handicap you are a second class citizen and have no right to ask for any accommodation or help.
I know how it feels to have someone make you feel like you should not be around or even alive because you have a disability. Like you should be put in a box somewhere so no one can be bothered with you.
Yeah, I know how that feels.
Sure, part of it is just plain ignorance; they don’t understand the issues that come from disabilities. But a lot of it comes from being selfish and self-centered. They don’t care about other people and are insensitive to the needs of others. All they care about is what they want when they want it. No one else matters to them.
This is the antithesis of a Christian attitude. Many so-called ‘christians’ will help people – until it infringes upon their own comfort or desire. Then it is game over. The evil comes out and the devil gets glorified. The hate I have observed and experienced in my life by ‘christians’ in response to disabled people is horrifying.
So, no, real Christians follow Christ’s teaching and reach out to help others. They operate in love and bear good fruit.
But these others bear nasty, rotten fruit and they are so bound up they don’t even know it.
They never stop to think beyond their own small, self-centered world to realize that handicapped people go through those ‘inconveniences’ every single day. In their world it is all about them and no one else matters.
Every day I make accommodations for the ‘normal’ world. Yet when I ask for one simple accommodation I am labeled ‘inconsiderate.’ I am inconsiderate because I try to avoid severe pain and discomfort.
So, let’s talk about that.
Let’s talk about the inconsiderate person in a wheelchair who is slowing you down.
Let’s talk about the inconsiderate blind person who bumped you with their cane or dared bring their service dog into the restaurant where you are eating.
Let’s talk about the inconsiderate deaf person because, well, if you don’t know sign language you have to write notes in order to be understood.
How about the inconsiderate autistic person with sensory processing disorder who cannot tolerate bright lights or glare or loud noise or strong odors because it sends shooting, electrical shock like pain through their entire body?
But, hey, as long as YOU are comfortable, right?
I am sick to death of the discrimination and hate against other races and people.
White people against black, everyone against Hispanic, calling them all ‘Mexicans’ (really?), the slurs against Asians and Middle Easterners – it is just sickening.
It seems that people are LOOKING for the differences to justify hate and fear (fear really is that basis for hate). They create this divide when really there is no difference.
But the biggest issue I have (since our sorry society is actually taking baby steps to move in the direction of ending racial and ethnic prejudice) is the discrimination I experience on a regular basis because of my (world defined) ‘disability.’
Autism is just another way of being, like having brown skin or white skin, blue eyes or brown ones, like being tall or short. It is a different wiring of the brain.
Autism is NOT a disease, a defect, a punishment (thanks a mil Toni Braxton for telling the world that your autistic child was a punishment – nice), something to be cured. Yes, some of us are less functional than others – ON THE OUTSIDE – but you really don’t know what is going on INSIDE.
Just because we make YOU uncomfortable doesn’t mean that we should be ‘cured’ or put away. Your discomfort does not invalidate our right to be held as valuable individuals. Some of the greatest minds in history were autistic – Einstein, Mozart, Temple Grandin, Bill Gates, and a whole host of highly creative, intelligent, scientific people. The list is incredible.
I have been discriminated against severely because of my ‘disability.’ I have been ridiculed, abused, rejected and been made an outcast because I am different. Most of the time that discrimination comes for sheer ignorance. People don’t understand and they don’t want to because if they take the time to learn then they can no longer justify their poor treatment of others. Yes, I am socially awkward. Yes, I say things sometimes that offend. That is not my intention but I just speak the truth and am not as equipped as my neutotypical counterparts to handle some aspects interpersonal communication.
I offended someone recently and they have become quite nasty towards me – trouble is I sometimes have to work with this person. This is just another example of someone preferring to remain in their ignorance and their maintaining a thin skin as opposed to taking the intelligent route and educating themselves and moving toward understanding. But their misplaced arrogance is their problem, not mine. Their choice to hate and discriminate instead of trying to become educated and better understand is their problem. And in all honesty, that typically indicates a lack of intelligence as well as a lack of character – something to think about.
There is a billboard about a mile from my home that promotes finding a ‘cure’ for autism – as if it is a disease. So speaking for the autistic community, I say this.
We don’t need to be cured; We need to be accepted.
Stop looking for our faults and differences because if that is all you want to see, that is all you will see – and you won’t have to look too hard. Then again, if all we wanted to see was YOUR faults and differences we wouldn’t have to look too hard either.
This is the way we were born. We did not choose our differently wired brain any more than you chose your height, skin color or eye color.
I was born this way and I wouldn’t change it for the world! Because of my autism I am intelligent, I see and experience the world in a different way. You know, if you stopped judging me and criticizing me, opened your heart and mind to actually get to know me you might even like me.
There is NOTHING in the Bible that says any race or ethnicity is an abomination or deserves to be abused. There is not one scripture that says people who are ‘disabled’ are less than human or are not able to serve God. Not a one.
Please, PLEASE stop seeing the differences and start seeing the contributions. They are there if you will just open your eyes. We are all here on this earth together, put here to serve the Lord, it is high time we come together and work in unity to do just that.
Graphic by 89studio
I tend to put limits on myself. I think a lot of people do it, but that doesn’t make it right. When we put limits on ourselves, we put limits on God.
That isn’t right.
When God first called me to minister to people who are touched by autism (families, parents, friends, spouses and, of course, those who are autistic or have Asperger’s), I put limits on myself.
I approached the whole thing with an attitude of “OK, I will do it, but don’t expect much. I don’t have money to promote this. I am not the greatest writer. I am a relatively new Christian (newly spirit-filled), so I don’t know what I can offer here. How am I going to reach these people? This isn’t going to work, I am too socially awkward to be effective. People are not going to want to hear from me.” The list went on and on.
I was willing but skeptical. I put limits on myself and, at the same time, I put limits on God.
Moses did the same thing. Our pastor talked about that today at church. He was talking about how each of us is a part of God’s plan. He will do His works through us as long as we submit to Him and allow ourselves to be His vessel. God called Moses to do His work and Moses put limits on himself, thus putting limits on God.
But God has no limits!
When God is working through me, I have no limits!
As I wrote, put things out there. I poured my heart into this writing, submitting to God’s will and following His guidance. At first, I didn’t hear much from anyone. The stats on visits were meager, but the second month it had doubled. It continued to grow, but I fell again and began to doubt.
I would pray, “God, is anyone out there getting anything from this? Does anyone care? Is this making an impact at all?”
Then I started getting email. I treasure each and every note I receive. I have heard from other Aspies, parents, teachers, churches, friends, it has been amazing! I welcome your emails and comments! Please never stop writing!
But that isn’t even the best part. Yes, God broke through my own limitations that Asperger’s placed on me, by giving me the words to reach others and touch them in ways that resonate with them. He gave me the words to help people understand and help bridge the gap between the world of autism and the church. Ministering to someone who is autistic is usually dramatically different from ministering to someone who is an NT (neuro-typical, or “normal” person).
Yes, when I realized that I wasn’t living for myself, but for God and allowed Him to live in me, operate through me, the limitations placed on me by my Asperger’s evaporated. When I gave myself to Him to be His vessel, my whole world changed.
Matthew 19:26 “…but with God all things are possible.” Yes, when you allow God to take over, anything is possible! All you have to do is give yourself up to Him, submit to Him, listen, know His voice and be obedient. You will probably second guess some of the things He wants you to do, but that is natural (that is what my husband told me when I was skeptical). But just do it! I promise, it is so worth it!
My husband says that I have the gift of wisdom, but I don’t see that. Some things are still shrouded by the Aspie brain, but that isn’t always a bad thing. I might get arrogant if I recognized the “wise” things I said or wrote. I don’t want to be arrogant. Right now, I don’t know what they are and my husband and I don’t discuss that. We prefer to keep me this way, unassuming, innocent, if you will, of some of the ways that God works through me.
What I do notice, though, is that I am more at ease in social situations and that is one of the major, astounding miracles that God has done in my life. Eye contact is still very difficult, but I am better. I don’t rock as much when I talk to people and I don’t feel as anxious.
Social issues have plagued me my entire life, causing me to become be very introverted and isolated. But God is working through me and changing me (I won’t say healing me because it isn’t a healing). He is changing me so that I will be able to begin the next part of His plan for me. He has shown me that He wants me to speak to people, to groups.
Beyond that, I will socialize with these people after. I will talk to them one on one, have conversations, shake their hands and even hug them – all of them strangers (but brothers and sisters in Christ). At first this scared me half to death! Then I got really nervous.
Now, though, I am ready for God to open that door. And He will – in His time.
So what is God calling you to do? Is He telling you things that you are skeptical of? Why? What limitations are you putting on yourself? What limitations are you putting on God?
I did not know that I had a “special interest.” I knew that many people with Asperger’s have “special interests” and they get upset when they can’t pursue it. It is very important to them and they get so involved in it that they forget everything else. They will talk and talk about it, explaining the particular interest in great detail and they often have an advanced knowledge of the interest.
I had heard about it, but did not think I had one. In fact, I was being evaluated by a doctor a year or so ago and he asked me, “Do you have a special interest?”
“No, I don’t think so,” I replied.
When I got home and told my husband, he laughed. I asked if I did, in fact, have a special interest. He said, “Are you kidding me? Take a look at all the books and magazines you have around here. What is the topic?”
Neuroscience, the brain. Oh.
But I have discovered that I have a special interest that I feel even stronger about than neuroscience – analytics.
I am an analyst on my job and I am fascinated in analyzing things. I can take very large amounts of data and organize it, analyze it, in my head. I put it on paper so others can understand (I got really tired of trying to explain things and people not understanding).
On my job, when I was working with people who utilized my strengths (and were nice to me) I would analyze data and do projections, provide analysis for creating plans and help organize projects and determine achievable benchmarks. While I still analyze data to a degree, it isn’t as it once was. I was actually challenged when they had me on the other projects. I still did my regular job, but I did these other projects as well.
I actually felt valued there – no more, though. Those people don’t value me at all. If I dropped off the face of the earth, no one would notice there. Managers, supervisors, leaders, take the time to identify the strengths in your employees and use them. Make your employees feel valued and appreciated. You will get much more out of them. Right now, I am not working to full capacity.
It is hard to work effectively when people are telling you that you are bad and they bully you. You are so afraid of making a mistake or making this person, who already doesn’t like you, even more angry at you, you can’t concentrate effectively on the task at hand.
But I want to talk about my special interest, or, more directly, how it affects me. Maybe you can understand better Aspies and special interests.
When I am working on an analysis, I hate to be interrupted. The books and articles say that we get “upset” when we are not able to pursue our special interest or when we are interrupted.
Well, that is saying it very mildly.
If I am working on my special interest and I have to stop, my mind won’t shift to the new task. It gets locked up like I described in “Stimming and the Loop.” I can’t stop thinking about it and I feel very anxious. My throat gets tight and it is hard to breathe. I also get very irritable. This is because I don’t like being interrupted and I want to continue doing my activity because it comforts me, makes me feel secure and stable.
Most of the time in the world I feel so out of place, but when I am pursuing my special interest I just fit. I fit in the world at that point in time. It is comfortable and secure and familiar. It is hard to make people understand this, though.
The irritability I feel comes from those feeling I have, as I described , when I am separated from my special interest. It is a feeling of disorientation and alienation. I feel out of place again and unsure of what is next. With my special interest, I always know what is next.
Sometimes, all I can do to get relief and stop feeling so anxious is to say, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,” over and over. I can’t form a more coherent thought than that. But calling out to Him helps because He calms that storm that starts churning inside. And I am always accepted by Him. I always fit and am never an outcast with Jesus.
There is comfort there. Jesus gives me peace. He can give you peace too, all you have to do is ask Him for it.
Autism spectrum, Christian Aspie, Christian attitude, Christian Living, Christianity, church, grace, Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, living for God, prayer, relationship with Jesus, sensory processing disorder
My husband has said more than once that loving someone with Asperger’s is a lesson in grace.
I think that this love extends beyond a parent or family or even friend.
I think it also means accepting and loving each other in church settings, work settings and other environments where the people are not directly related by blood.
I have been in places where I was rejected because of my Asperger’s. Though the people did not know that I had AS, they just assumed (usually the worst) when I did something or said something that they deemed inappropriate (usually self stimming such as moving around too much, bouncing my legs, rocking, chewing gum).
And as much as I love God, love church and love my brothers and sisters in Christ, I must say that church people tend to be the worst.
Now, before I go any further, the last couple of churches I have attended have not been like that. They have been very accepting and encouraging. I was honest and upfront about my AS, explained how it affected me and did my best to help people understand. And they were very understanding and accepting.
However, other churches I have attended and various “church people” websites and blogs I have visited have not been so accepting. It isn’t that they directly target people with AS, they just make blanket statements that exclude us and alienate us.
Or maybe it is just because they are acting like everyone else and I feel that as Christians they should be held to a higher standard.
Maybe it is all me. I just don’t know.
I used to bring Play Doh to church to self stim when I felt overwhelmed. I would work it in my hand and it helped to calm me, keep me focused (There is A LOT going on in a Pentecostal church – or just about any spirit-filled church! It is very active!). The problem with Play Doh is that is has a strong odor which can be disruptive to other people. Modeling clay is OK, but the color comes off on your hand and it is not as pliable as Play Doh. Plus, it is a little sticky which just causes more sensory issues (at least in me).
So I tried gum. Chewing gum helps a lot. If I start “going off” and get upset by something (which can be any number of things, singing a song to a different tempo or changing up words or stanzas, people crying loudly in that certain pitch that hurts my ears, strangers touching me without warning – if my eyes are closed I don’t see them coming, or other things that are ‘normal’ to ‘normal’ people, but terribly overstimulating and upsetting to someone with AS) I can focus on the way my jaws work while I chew the gum and clench my jaws hard until the feeling goes away.
In my mind, this is far less disruptive than flapping my hands, bouncing my legs or hard rocking. It is also something I can do whether I am standing or sitting. I can still hold hands if we are doing that. I can still sing. I can still pray. I still receive the Holy Spirit.
But some people don’t like the ways that I cope in service.
I think that maybe they don’t understand and hopefully they will become educated and then they will understand.
Please, before you make blanket statements, please just take a moment tothink. Think about situations and other people’s issues that may not fit into your neat and tidy formula for perfection. We are all imperfect, but I would never, ever do anything that I thought was disrespectful, especially to God.
Yes, sometimes I say things that people don’t like, but I would never intentionally offend or hurt anyone. I just can’t tell what is OK and what is offensive (until, unfortunately, someone gets upset). I am trying to live in your world, adapt and make accommodations for you because I recognize that you are not like me. I just want the same opportunity to worship God, love Him, enjoy the fellowship and instruction that Church provides and draw closer to Him. I just want to be able to lead others to Him and help them find the awesome love and acceptance that I have found in Jesus Christ (He doesn’t see our so-called disabilities – He accepts us as we are).
Maybe you think I don’t belong in church if I can’t conform to the ways that “normal” people act.
But God created me this way and He is using me through this ‘other’ ability. He is helping me reach out to others like me as well as their families and friends. He is helping me lead others like me to Him.
So maybe I just don’t belong in your church.
Maybe when you find grace you will see that a whole world lives and breathes outside of your existence and it is filled to the brim with lost souls who need Jesus.
After all, aren’t we, as Christians, called to the business of saving souls and populating the kingdom?
I guess there are some things you should know about me.
I am a human.
I am a human with a neurological disability (yes, some days it is a disability) that lends itself to sensory overload which can be overwhelming.
Couple that with limited coping skills (also stemming from elements of the AS) and you have a recipe for disaster.
I try to follow God and do what He wants. Sometimes, though, I can’t see anything because the world is blocking my view with too many sounds, smells, lights, people, sensations.
The past few weeks have been the worst.
First, you need to understand, once I go into sensory overload in one area all the other areas become amplified. If you have Asperger’s you probably understand this. I guess if that is the case, know you are not alone.
If you don’t have Asperger’s, I would like to try to explain to you what sensory overload feels like.
I will give you my situation.
More than two weeks ago, they had repainted all of our offices here – including mine. That meant I had to disrupt my routine to pack up everything in my office so they could move it out to put in new carpet and paint. These were the issues:
The carpet has changed – it is different
The carpet has lines (which I like) but one panel of carpet has lines going one way and the panel next to it has lines going the other way. It is terribly chaotic and makes my head hurt because my brain can’t find the pattern in it, make sense of it. I have to look at it every day, all day.
The walls are different, a different color. They are pretty, I guess, but they are different. I have not adjusted yet.
The windows were tinted. That in and of itself was yet another change to my space. But there is more to the story on that.
When they moved everything out to paint and do the carpet, they moved my desk. When I came in the day after, my desk was approximately four inches further back than it was before and it was pushed flush against the wall. I could not get to my plugs to set my computer and phone up.
A new team lead started at work. She seems nice enough, but she questions everything I do. It makes me feel like she thinks I am retarded or stupid. (Is retarded not politically correct? I don’t know, don’t understand that stuff)
One night after I went home from work, the work people came back into my office unannounced and moved some of my things around, including messing up my files so I am having trouble finding what I need. I was gone and they just came into my private space and moved my things. It was very upsetting.
My daughter said she was moving back in with us and we picked her up. I was adjusting to her living with us full time.
I went to the doctor for some medical tests. The tests were very stressful and made my head hurt.
My daughter decided that she was not going to stay with us and she left – only leaving a note. We had tried to make things as easy on her as possible. We had made plans to help her get a job, save money, get her license, start driving, get a car and get out on her own so she could be independent. But she didn’t want what we had to offer – she didn’t want me.
A woman who I thought was a friend at work suddenly stopped talking to me on Monday. I had no idea why. She wouldn’t talk so I sent her a text asking if she was OK. She didn’t answer so Tuesday I left a note if she was upset about something? She wrote back that I had hurt her feelings. I have absolutely no idea what I did to hurt her feelings and she won’t tell me. She still won’t talk to me. I have thought and thought about what I could have done but I can’t think of anything. I just don’t know. I guess it was just another stupid Asperger’s mistake – that is the best I can come up with.
I went to church Wednesday hoping to feel something, to be uplifted to feel God move, but I felt nothing – nothing at all except that my legs bothered me (I’ll explain that later) and I could not sit still. I don’t know if at that point I was too overwhelmed, if there were too many people moving about, if it was the dynamic of the place, the things going on, the lights, the sounds, the smells or just everything. I was already way overwhelmed and trying to act “normal” makes me feel even more overwhelmed. But I think I managed to make people think I was OK. There was a puppy there and it licked my fingers when I petted it. That was the most relaxing part of the evening.
I am trying my best to live in a world that is so frustrating and overstimulating and loud and scary and it seems that there is no quiet, dark, safe place to decompress and come back down. I feel like I am judged everywhere and everyone is trying to tell me I should just snap out of it.
Believe me, if I could, I would. I just need the world to go away for a little while. I need to be somewhere SAFE and dark and quiet and accepting. Right now I don’t feel accepted anywhere. I know it is because no one understands me – how can they?
But right now, I am just so overstimulated it is affecting everything in my world. I am depressed, distressed, discouraged, unfocused, afraid and alone. I don’t need any more stress, any more stimulation. I don’t need people telling me to snap out of it or pray or anything. I do pray and God understands where I am. He also understands what I am going through.
No humans in my life understand that.
Overstimulation or sensory overload is a terrible place to be. It piles up more and more and more until you feel crushed, suffocated, drowning.
Right now my clothes feel like sand paper (the only thing I am comfortable wearing is my favorite top and skirt – the softest and most sensory friendly but even that is beginning to feel too scratchy on my skin).
Right now, lights are too bright. I wish I had sunglasses so I could look at my computer screen without feeling as if the light is bullets or spikes penetrating my brain. My office lights are off.
Right now, noises are too loud. I hear every converstion outside my office (even in other offices), every voice, every cough or sniff, the cars passing on the street outside (even though I am four stories up), the AC in the office next to me running (I had to turn mine off for now – too loud). Even my fingers tapping these words makes me feel as if my ears are going to bleed – the noise is offensive and overwhelming.
When there are several noises at once my brain tries to pay attention to each noise individually. This is really bad in places such as church when the pastor is preaching while the musician is playing music because my brain wants to focus solely on the words AND focus solely on the music. When everyone starts praying aloud it gets worse because then my brain tries to focus on each person’s individual words as well as the pastor and the music. It is too much.
NO!! The maintenance man just turned on the vacuum cleaner. Even on my best days I can not tolerate the noise.
Right now, I can smell the different perfumes and colognes of the people in nearby offices, the new paint (still), the new carpet (still), the cardboard boxes and paper and files that are in my office, my unscented hand lotion, someone’s food that is heating in the microwave across the building, the heat from my computer monitor…
I know I am in a meltdown or maybe already into a shutdown. I have learned to control the effects somewhat when I am around people, but when I am in my office or alone at home, I am free to rock and stomp my feet (my legs feel like the blood is pooling in places inside my legs and that bugs are crawling under my skin: sometimes it feels like uncomfortable tickling like ants but other times it is like huge slugs slithering under my skin and it is very painful, sometimes agonizing – stomping helps). I can put my hands over my hears and squeeze my eyes shut. I can toss my head back and forth and throw my body back and forth.
Bigger movements are the only things that really bring relief for this level of stimulation, but I have to be alone to do it because humans just don’t understand.
My husband has seen some, but he hasn’t seen anywhere near all of it. He has never seen me self stim when I am at this level of sensory overload. I have to control it around people because I don’t want them to be alarmed or upset. It is so hard to control sometimes but I do and it builds and builds and I get like this: depressed, distressed, discouraged, unfocused, afraid and alone.
I wish I could get on my little trampoline and bounce.
I am going to get something to eat.
I don’t really know what I am doing here. I pray, God moves, He puts things on me and people get offended or tell me I do it wrong or write wrong.
I have ASPERGER’S — Hello?
I only write the words that God puts there. I don’t know half of this stuff myself, but when He leads me to places in the Bible, I think, “Oh, OK, I see.”
To be honest, if it were all up to me, I would never open my mouth, never write a word that was offensive in any way (provided I could determine just what is offensive and what is not). I would just go about my business, allowing everyone to do their own thing.
Hey, it keeps people from getting upset with me, right?
Maybe I am tough sometimes, I only write the words as I receive them. I don’t have a good enough grasp of communication to understand what could be considered offensive or harsh – the words don’t seem harsh to me.
Then again, I am an alien. Some days (like today) I don’t feel like I belong in this world. It doesn’t really matter what I think about things, does it?
Some days (like today) I feel all alone in the world – a world that doesn’t want me, welcome me – a world where I don’t belong.
So, I have a dilemma. Do I follow God or do I give in to people and give them what they want?
Do I write the things that God gives me AS MYSELF or do I just give the people fluff?
Or do I just quite altogether?
I don’t know. I don’t see a lot of churches teaching people how to live for God. I don’t see them holding their leadership to a certain standard. I see a lot of complacity and a lot of people afraid of offending someone or hurting their feelings.
Maybe I misunderstood God. Maybe I am the one who is wrong here.
The thing is, I KNOW I am right! I KNOW that this is God’s word and I have Biblical proof of it!
Maybe I should not be talking about standards and holiness, but instead tell you all the feel good stuff. Maybe I am supposed to make you feel like you are going to be just fine instead of how to make your walk with God better and closer and more real.
Then again, most kids would rather have candy and soda than vegetables and milk. But maybe I am supposed to be feeding people the candy and making them feel good about themselves even though they are doing the parts of Christianity that are comfortable (which are often NOT the things that are necessary).
Maybe I am just not cut out for this.
But when I put my hands over my ears I can still hear God.
Is there a switch I can turn this off? Please?
I was in Rite Aid a while ago. I was picking up some things for snacks that I can eat at my desk. I have a lot of work and don’t want to be away from my desk too much.
As I was browsing one aisle, a young woman walked up. She was talking on her cell phone while she shopped. As she approached me, I heard her say to whoever she was talking to on her phone, “That is kinda like retarded, it’s autistic.”
I went cold all over and thought I was going to throw up. All I could do was stand there listening to her talk about how people with autism are basically retarded. I couldn’t make myself move. I looked at her, but she didn’t even look at me. She just got what she was looking for, kept on with her conversation and walked away.
I wanted to tell her, “I have autism and I am NOT retarded!”
But I didn’t. I just turned and walked away. I went directly to the cashier, paid for my things and went back to my office where it is somewhat safer (not as safe as home – I want to go home! – but safer than out there). I was shaking by the time I sat down at my desk.
I admit, it was not easy at all for me to pray for her – it was really hard!
How can people be so ignorant and still survive? What is it going to take to educate people about autism? This is autism awareness month.
If you learn nothing about autism this month, please at least learn that autism is NOT, like, retarded.