I recently saw a question posed to the members of a forum for Christian Aspies. The person asked if God created Asperger’s or if we are some type of corruption from the “norm.”
I have heard many people ask variations of this question over the years and it is a great one. However, I don’t believe that the answer is so black and white.
The question itself implies that what is considered by society to be “normal” is actually God’s normal. I personally do not believe that it is. I don’t believe that God ever intended for society’s accepted normal to be what was normal for man.
See, when sin was brought into the picture it began to corrupt every cell of every human that existed and that followed. God’s intended normal was present in Adam and Eve prior to the fall. After that, it was a steady decline. What we are now are corrupted versions of what God originally intended so that even society’s “normal” isn’t even normal.
I will go even further to say that many forms of Asperger’s such as the honesty, adherence to rules, conviction when a rule is broken (sin), and even sensory processing issues.
In the garden man was not exposed to the overwhelming sensory input. In fact, man began in an agrarian society where people farmed, planted crops and lived off of the land. Life was perfect.
When sin entered the scene man began to degrade. NO ONE is normal, at least by God’s originally intended normal, any more.
So, did God create Asperger’s? I believe that He created ME. He created Aspies. He created all of us, but the corruption of sin is NOT His doing. And there are many, many shades of that corruption. In that respect, Aspies and “normal” people are on the same spectrum.
The more I am around people who are not handicapped, the more I realize that there is no place for me in the ‘normal’ world. I have never belonged and I never will. I want others who are handicapped, no matter what that looks like, to know, yes, I know how it feels to be an outcast.
I know how it feels for people to treat your handicap like it is an inconvenience to THEM. I know how it feels to have someone mistreat you because you have a handicap. I know what it feels like to have someone intentionally do things that target your handicap and cause pain or discomfort.
I know what it feels like to have people make certain you know that because you are handicap you are a second class citizen and have no right to ask for any accommodation or help.
I know how it feels to have someone make you feel like you should not be around or even alive because you have a disability. Like you should be put in a box somewhere so no one can be bothered with you.
Yeah, I know how that feels.
Sure, part of it is just plain ignorance; they don’t understand the issues that come from disabilities. But a lot of it comes from being selfish and self-centered. They don’t care about other people and are insensitive to the needs of others. All they care about is what they want when they want it. No one else matters to them.
This is the antithesis of a Christian attitude. Many so-called ‘christians’ will help people – until it infringes upon their own comfort or desire. Then it is game over. The evil comes out and the devil gets glorified. The hate I have observed and experienced in my life by ‘christians’ in response to disabled people is horrifying.
So, no, real Christians follow Christ’s teaching and reach out to help others. They operate in love and bear good fruit.
But these others bear nasty, rotten fruit and they are so bound up they don’t even know it.
They never stop to think beyond their own small, self-centered world to realize that handicapped people go through those ‘inconveniences’ every single day. In their world it is all about them and no one else matters.
Every day I make accommodations for the ‘normal’ world. Yet when I ask for one simple accommodation I am labeled ‘inconsiderate.’ I am inconsiderate because I try to avoid severe pain and discomfort.
So, let’s talk about that.
Let’s talk about the inconsiderate person in a wheelchair who is slowing you down.
Let’s talk about the inconsiderate blind person who bumped you with their cane or dared bring their service dog into the restaurant where you are eating.
Let’s talk about the inconsiderate deaf person because, well, if you don’t know sign language you have to write notes in order to be understood.
How about the inconsiderate autistic person with sensory processing disorder who cannot tolerate bright lights or glare or loud noise or strong odors because it sends shooting, electrical shock like pain through their entire body?
But, hey, as long as YOU are comfortable, right?
I am sick to death of the discrimination and hate against other races and people.
White people against black, everyone against Hispanic, calling them all ‘Mexicans’ (really?), the slurs against Asians and Middle Easterners – it is just sickening.
It seems that people are LOOKING for the differences to justify hate and fear (fear really is that basis for hate). They create this divide when really there is no difference.
But the biggest issue I have (since our sorry society is actually taking baby steps to move in the direction of ending racial and ethnic prejudice) is the discrimination I experience on a regular basis because of my (world defined) ‘disability.’
Autism is just another way of being, like having brown skin or white skin, blue eyes or brown ones, like being tall or short. It is a different wiring of the brain.
Autism is NOT a disease, a defect, a punishment (thanks a mil Toni Braxton for telling the world that your autistic child was a punishment – nice), something to be cured. Yes, some of us are less functional than others – ON THE OUTSIDE – but you really don’t know what is going on INSIDE.
Just because we make YOU uncomfortable doesn’t mean that we should be ‘cured’ or put away. Your discomfort does not invalidate our right to be held as valuable individuals. Some of the greatest minds in history were autistic – Einstein, Mozart, Temple Grandin, Bill Gates, and a whole host of highly creative, intelligent, scientific people. The list is incredible.
I have been discriminated against severely because of my ‘disability.’ I have been ridiculed, abused, rejected and been made an outcast because I am different. Most of the time that discrimination comes for sheer ignorance. People don’t understand and they don’t want to because if they take the time to learn then they can no longer justify their poor treatment of others. Yes, I am socially awkward. Yes, I say things sometimes that offend. That is not my intention but I just speak the truth and am not as equipped as my neutotypical counterparts to handle some aspects interpersonal communication.
I offended someone recently and they have become quite nasty towards me – trouble is I sometimes have to work with this person. This is just another example of someone preferring to remain in their ignorance and their maintaining a thin skin as opposed to taking the intelligent route and educating themselves and moving toward understanding. But their misplaced arrogance is their problem, not mine. Their choice to hate and discriminate instead of trying to become educated and better understand is their problem. And in all honesty, that typically indicates a lack of intelligence as well as a lack of character – something to think about.
There is a billboard about a mile from my home that promotes finding a ‘cure’ for autism – as if it is a disease. So speaking for the autistic community, I say this.
We don’t need to be cured; We need to be accepted.
Stop looking for our faults and differences because if that is all you want to see, that is all you will see – and you won’t have to look too hard. Then again, if all we wanted to see was YOUR faults and differences we wouldn’t have to look too hard either.
This is the way we were born. We did not choose our differently wired brain any more than you chose your height, skin color or eye color.
I was born this way and I wouldn’t change it for the world! Because of my autism I am intelligent, I see and experience the world in a different way. You know, if you stopped judging me and criticizing me, opened your heart and mind to actually get to know me you might even like me.
There is NOTHING in the Bible that says any race or ethnicity is an abomination or deserves to be abused. There is not one scripture that says people who are ‘disabled’ are less than human or are not able to serve God. Not a one.
Please, PLEASE stop seeing the differences and start seeing the contributions. They are there if you will just open your eyes. We are all here on this earth together, put here to serve the Lord, it is high time we come together and work in unity to do just that.
Graphic by 89studio
Are we saved by baptism in Jesus name or baptism in titles?
This tends to be a pretty hot topic. People will say, “Well, I believe,” or “I feel,” or “My opinion is…”
Actually, it isn’t about what we think or what we feel or even what our opinion is.
It is about KEEPING GOD’S COMMANDMENTS.
John 14-15 ~If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.
The Bible doesn’t say, “if you feel like it,” or “whatever you think,” or “whatever your opinion is.” It says to obey God’s word. Period. Finite.
We MUST be baptized in Jesus name. That is the ONLY way to be saved, the ONLY way to have the power and authority that comes with being one of His. In fact, it is the ONLY way to become ‘one of His.’
Furthermore, if you have been exposed to the truth and you reject it, you will be held accountable. It is a SIN to disobey God.
People who believe in baptizing in titles will bring up Matthew 28:19 as their ‘proof.’ But, really, what about it? We were commanded to be baptized in the NAME of the father, some and Holy Ghost. The NAME of the father, son and Holy Ghost is JESUS!
In fact, if you look through at ALL the examples in the Bible of people being baptized, NOT ONE of them was EVER baptized in titles. EVERY SINGLE ONE was baptized in Jesus name.
And I got scripture to support it.
Those who have not had the revelation or insist in this Roman Catholic manner of baptism (man-made doctrine by the way) are typically either spiritually immature, haven’t been taught truth or are in rebellion.
Spiritually immature meaning not receiving the baptism of the Holy Ghost as evidenced in speaking in other tongues.
Not taught truth as in not being taught at home or being in a church that does not teach truth.
Rebellion by rejecting the Word of God, rejecting the teaching of Holy Ghost filled individuals, rejecting the revelation and conviction of the Holy Ghost.
Rebellion is a sin, btw.
The apostles were taught by the Master Himself. I am pretty sure they knew what they were doing and were being obedient to Him.
Here are a few scriptures where people were baptized (there are many more). Notice the NAME they were baptized in.
Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
Who, when they were come down, prayed for them, that they might receive the Holy Ghost:
(For as yet he was fallen upon none of them: only they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.)
For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God. Then answered Peter,
Can any man forbid water, that these should not be baptized, which have received the Holy Ghost as well as we?
And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of the Lord. Then prayed they him to tarry certain days.
When they heard [this], they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.
The scripture is clear.
The people are disobedient.
Many people erroneously believe that Romans 10:9, “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;” Means that if you believe then you are saved, that is it. That’s all you have to do.
And it is partly true. Only believers will be saved.
Then again, even the devil is a believer and I’m pretty sure he isn’t saved.
Believing in God is not what this means. It means ACCEPTING in FAITH and KNOWING that Jesus is God. It means KNOWING the TRUTH of scripture and loving that truth.
The Bible tells us to make sure all teaching lines up with scripture. Just taking man’s word is dangerous. There are many false prophets and false doctrine is abundant.
We have to judge the teaching critically and if it does not line up with scripture then reject it.
The ONLY truth is God’s Truth.
You can compare it to an earthly marriage. There really is no difference.
Our earthly relationships are used to give us solid examples of our spiritual relationships.
That is why we must keep our earthly relationship healthy and honest.
Baptizing in titles is not correct because right there Jesus is saying that the NAME of all three is Jesus. He is telling us right there that He is ONE – He is the Father. He is the Son. He is the Holy Ghost. The name for all three of those offices is JESUS.
The titles make it sound like there are three gods sitting up in Heaven, that they share the power. But God said that He is ONE God.
He is NOT sharing any power! He IS the power!
I grew up Baptist, but even as a small child certain scripture puzzled me. To me scripture indicated that Jesus is God. I mean, look at John 1:1-14. Look at where Jesus said ‘I and the father are one.’ Even the Name Jesus means Mighty God!
It just did not make sense that there would be three sitting up there when God said there is ONE GOD.
I asked the questions directly and no one could give me a straight answer. I got the whole “it’s a mystery:” a lot.
Then I started searching for myself. I went to several churches but to be honest, the whole idea of a trinity seemed wrong to me. It just did not ring true and it certainly did NOT line up with scripture.
Then a dear friend showed me some scripture and told me I wasn’t crazy., that there really is just ONE GOD and His name is Jesus.
If you doubt. Pray for a revelation of truth.
If you really believe you are right then you won’t worry about God revealing His truth to you. The only way you would have apprehension about praying that is if somewhere deep inside you know you are wrong.
Sometimes people will use the scripture that says Jesus is sitting on the right hand of the Father as a basis for their belief that there is a trinity, therefore justifying the baptism in titles.
The “right hand” indicates authority. The right hand is authority.
Jesus is the authority. When we are baptized in His name we have the AUTHORITY to cast out devils, heal the sick, all of it.
Plus, God is a SPIRIT. He doesn’t have hands. This is figurative language.
The ‘sinner’s prayer’ that seems to be so popular is not Biblical. It isn’t even in the Bible!
The ‘sinner’s prayer’ will NOT get you saved. It isn’t what the Bible says.
Acts 2:38 ~Peter said to them, “Repent, and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Now, Jesus taught Peter so I am pretty sure that Peter knows the score here.
It is necessary to repent. That is confess your sins, ask for forgiveness and sin no more.
Then it is necessary to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ by immersion in water.
Then the gift of the Holy Ghost is given. And guess what? If you don’t speak in tongues then you have not received the Holy Spirit. You have not been filled. Speaking in other tongues, in this case, confirms to the believer that he or she has been filled. It also provides a witness for others.
And John 3:16 is not a salvation plan either. It just opens the door. When we choose to live for God the first step is faith. Grace makes salvation possible. Faith is the fuel. It is what allows us to repent, be baptized in Jesus name and receive the Holy Spirit.
Peter said that the only way to be saved from this perverse generation is to repent, be baptized in Jesus name and receive the Holy Ghost.. The apostles understood and they obeyed. They went out and that is how they baptized – in Jesus name. Every. Single. Time.
But don’t just take my word for it. Go to the Book.
Everything here is truth and it is right there in the Bible.
Then I suggest praying for God to open your mind and your heart, giving you a revelation of His truth.
And I will say this.
ANYONE who wants to know more about this, wants a Bible study, has questions, ANYTHING, is welcome to contact me or friend me. I answer all emails.
I am a lover of truth and I love sharing truth.
If you truly want to know, I will be happy to provide good, Godly counsel that is Biblically based.
One thing that I see come up quite a bit with Aspies is relationships – usually of the romantic kind.
I know that I wanted a relationship but it was an awful experience! It seemed that any man I would date or get into a relationship with would get completely frustrated with me.
Most of the time it ended in abuse, either verbally, emotionally, physically or all three.
It wasn’t until I put it all into God’s hands that I actually found a husband. CW is good to me, loving and he has taken the time to educate himself on Asperger’s. He doesn’t always understand, but he tries.
Does he get frustrated? Of course. He would get frustrated anyway. That happens when two people live together. But we work it out.
It also helps that we keep God at the center of our marriage. He is the most important part of our marriage. We pray together each morning, worship together and help each other grow in Him.
So if you are a frustrated single Aspie, here is my advice to you.
Give it to God. Work on your relationship with Him right now while you are single. Ask Him to send you the person that HE has picked out for you.
Learn to be flexible. No one is perfect. Agree to accept each other just as you are. Help your partner understand your Asperger’s, don’t just expect them to accept it and be perfect.
Don’t believe the movies and books when it comes to marriage. Make your own marriage; your own relationship. Don’t try to model it after a book you have read or a movie you have seen because those scenarios are unrealistic.
Be prepared to work. Marriage is work and you have to be prepared to work at it. A marriage is like a tree. If you water it, fertilize it and take care of it, it will produce fruit and thrive. However, if you neglect it, it will wither away and die.
Finally, keep God at the center of your relationship. Just as you work at your marriage, so should you work at your relationship with God. It takes time and effort but both relationships are important.
Pray together, play together, talk and take time to know each other. But most of all, let your marriage relationship glorify God.
Jesus’ Healing Touch
10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.
~1 Peter 5:10
I have come to learn that tears are healing. They mean that God is working on something in you or someone you are praying for. It is humbling to allow tears to fall and a display of submission when you allow God to humble you to the point you allow your tears to fall in front of people (Bible study, church, prayer).
As I was preparing to attend my first UPCI East Coast Women’s Conference, I felt overwhelmed. To put it mildly, I was a nervous wreck. I was not accustomed to being around a lot of people and if you are familiar with Spirit-filled Christians, we can be a lively bunch. I was concerned about the sensory overload I was almost certain to experience.
Most of all, though, I was concerned about how the change in routine would affect me. Change tends to upset me and exacerbate my negative reactions to sensory input. I would likely be singing songs I had never heard, much less knew. I would be attending services that would be different from the services I was accustomed to attending. I would be around a bunch of people I did not know and who did not know me.
I didn’t know if they would accept me or view me as some sort of weirdo. The enemy was really playing with me head, telling me that I was different, that I did not fit in with “those women.” He set me up to be rejected. In fact, in my mind I was rejected before I even got there.
As much as I want people to like me and accept me, though, the biggest issue for me was the change in routine. When things are “out of order” I get very disoriented, even dizzy. When things are out of order and it is very active with lots of noise, it leads straight to a meltdown.
The worse part, though, is that I get deep pains throughout my body, like electrical shocks. There is an “undercurrent” that pulses through my entire body, and pain “surfaces” in various areas, the location changing rather rapidly. It may go from leg to hand to neck to foot in a matter of seconds. It is as if my brain is trying to find or create the neural pathways that can manage that sensory overload.
It can be very uncomfortable, painful. I have been this way my entire life. Because of it, I have often avoided large crowds, events, even certain church functions.
As I prayed the morning I was to leave, though, Jesus spoke to me and if I hadn’t been cultivating a relationship with Him over time and stopped to listen I probably would have missed it. Daily prayer is so important!
He said, “I am healing you.” He didn’t say, “I will heal you” or “I am going to heal you,” He said, “I am healing you.” It was right then, right there, I was being healed as I sat on that bus praying.
I understood, in a flash, that the pain and disorientation are not the result of my being “broken” or defective. They come from healing. I was being healed.
I understood that my scars are not from my sin or my defects, but from my healing.
Jesus gave me permission to be distressed and to react to the discomfort and pain. But by powering through it (even if I cry or react in ways that exhibit my discomfort) I am allowing His healing to take place. And the next time it won’t be so bad. It will get better and better and easier and easier. I have to get there because He has shown me that one day I will be speaking before groups. I can speak in front of a group, but the socializing part terrifies me. This was His way of letting me know that He is in control and He won’t turn me loose on a crowd until I am ready.
If I had not had a prayer life I would not have understood that. If I hadn’t been filled with the Holy Spirit I would not have understood that. All of these things are like pieces of an intricate puzzle. They support each other and each has a place to fit. It takes work, though.
I got to the conference and it was just as loud and active as I thought it would be. And I did feel the pains, the shocks, but I knew what they were. By the end of the morning service on the second day, they were significantly less noticeable. I did not have the first problem with sensory overload.
I was in a room of 800 weeping, crying, wailing, travailing, dancing, praising yelling women and I did not experience the first instance of sensory overload. In fact, I was more focused on God, more in touch with him – and infinitely more grateful to his loving, healing touch.
At one point, in one of the services the Holy Spirit had broken out amongst the women and they were dancing, weeping, singing, yelling – it was very loud and very active. But I sat right there in the midst of it all, calm. I felt a hand on my right shoulder. My pastor’s wife and a friend were sitting behind me and I thought, “Oh, how nice! They are praying for me!”
But when I looked back, no one was there.
I still felt the hand and felt an arm across my shoulders.
Then I became aware of a peaceful, calming presence beside me, on my left – with His arm around me. I just leaned into that presence and, for the first time in my life, took in all the noise and lights and activity without any anxiety. Never had I been able to be in an environment like this without medication.
By the time we left to go home, I realized that I was looking people in the eye – something that had always been extremely difficult for me to do.
I never asked for this healing, but Jesus gave it to me anyway. I certainly did not deserve such a wondrous gift, but He gave it to me anyway.
From the book “More Fringe: My Growth as a Spirit-Filled Christian with Asperger’s Syndrome”
My husband and I are going through a trial right now. We only have my income and our only vehicle is broken beyond repair. It is difficult because maintaining a household on only my income is quite a challenge. It is doable, but difficult if we need anything beyond the necessities.
We had rented a car while my mother was here and the Sunday after she left, we rented a car to get to church. That is too expensive to keep up, though, so we have to relinquish all control and just let God do His thing.
I have a plaque on my desk that says: “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Martin Luther King Jr.
Right now, we can’t see the staircase, the stairs or even that first step, but we are taking it anyway, trusting that God will place our feet where they are supposed to be and ensure that the steps beneath our feet are firm and solid.
We are praying about this situation, asking God to open doors to us, to reveal His will and to give us wisdom in discerning what He wants from us and what direction He wants us to pursue. I am praying that we both have the right attitude in accepting whatever it is that He wants us to do (that is hard for me sometimes).
However, I thought I would list the blessings I have identified thus far that are a direct result of this trial.
- · Our marriage is getting stronger. Adversity will either bond you together or tear you apart. That is up to you to decide. We have decided to stand behind each other and support each other. It is working quite well.
- · My husband and I are spending more quality time together. We already like to spend time together, but this is different. In the mornings I have to walk to the commuter lot to catch a bus to go to work. The path there takes me through a small wooded area. I leave at 5:10 a.m. so it is dark outside. My husband walks me to the other side of the wooded area every morning, carrying a flashlight so that I won’t fall.
I think that is also a good analogy for not only a marriage, but also our walk with God. See, I trust my husband to shine the flashlight on the areas of my path that could be dangerous and keep me from walking in places that I shouldn’t. He is right there beside me to protect me as well. Even if we don’t have to walk down a dark, treacherous path in real life, we can encounter that path in other forms. I will be there always to hold the light for my husband to ensure he doesn’t fall, just as he does me.
It is the same in our walk with God. Just as I trust my husband to shine the light in the right areas and guide me to the other side where it is clear, I trust God to guide us both through this dark path, using His Word as our flashlight and leaning on Him in prayer.
- · My husband and I are getting exercise. On Saturday, we walked to the grocery store together to pick up a few necessities. It was a nice walk, the weather was beautiful. We talked and laughed (and gasped for air because we both are somewhat out of shape – and it is uphill both ways – it really is!).
- · I am learning to turn to my church family. I have a wonderful church family and they have rallied to help us get to church and church related functions. During that time, I talk to the person I am riding with (even though I feel totally socially awkward and think I sound like an idiot). I am learning about these people and I think I am learning about myself, particularly about how to be more social and talk to people.
- · I am learning that I have friends – real friends. My friend from my old church (she now goes to a different church and I go to a different church) called me Saturday afternoon and offered to take me to the grocery store. We spent the afternoon, talking and grocery shopping. We went to lunch. She even took me to a store to get some more shoes (my black pair had holes in the bottoms). It was a really nice time. It is nice to know that I have a friend.
So, while this may be a little difficult, or at the least, inconvenient, God is blessing us and helping us grow through it. I guess this is called looking on the “bright” side, but, really it is just fact. I am not spinning it one way or another. It is what it is.
And it is good because it is directed by God and God is good.
I tend to put limits on myself. I think a lot of people do it, but that doesn’t make it right. When we put limits on ourselves, we put limits on God.
That isn’t right.
When God first called me to minister to people who are touched by autism (families, parents, friends, spouses and, of course, those who are autistic or have Asperger’s), I put limits on myself.
I approached the whole thing with an attitude of “OK, I will do it, but don’t expect much. I don’t have money to promote this. I am not the greatest writer. I am a relatively new Christian (newly spirit-filled), so I don’t know what I can offer here. How am I going to reach these people? This isn’t going to work, I am too socially awkward to be effective. People are not going to want to hear from me.” The list went on and on.
I was willing but skeptical. I put limits on myself and, at the same time, I put limits on God.
Moses did the same thing. Our pastor talked about that today at church. He was talking about how each of us is a part of God’s plan. He will do His works through us as long as we submit to Him and allow ourselves to be His vessel. God called Moses to do His work and Moses put limits on himself, thus putting limits on God.
But God has no limits!
When God is working through me, I have no limits!
As I wrote, put things out there. I poured my heart into this writing, submitting to God’s will and following His guidance. At first, I didn’t hear much from anyone. The stats on visits were meager, but the second month it had doubled. It continued to grow, but I fell again and began to doubt.
I would pray, “God, is anyone out there getting anything from this? Does anyone care? Is this making an impact at all?”
Then I started getting email. I treasure each and every note I receive. I have heard from other Aspies, parents, teachers, churches, friends, it has been amazing! I welcome your emails and comments! Please never stop writing!
But that isn’t even the best part. Yes, God broke through my own limitations that Asperger’s placed on me, by giving me the words to reach others and touch them in ways that resonate with them. He gave me the words to help people understand and help bridge the gap between the world of autism and the church. Ministering to someone who is autistic is usually dramatically different from ministering to someone who is an NT (neuro-typical, or “normal” person).
Yes, when I realized that I wasn’t living for myself, but for God and allowed Him to live in me, operate through me, the limitations placed on me by my Asperger’s evaporated. When I gave myself to Him to be His vessel, my whole world changed.
Matthew 19:26 “…but with God all things are possible.” Yes, when you allow God to take over, anything is possible! All you have to do is give yourself up to Him, submit to Him, listen, know His voice and be obedient. You will probably second guess some of the things He wants you to do, but that is natural (that is what my husband told me when I was skeptical). But just do it! I promise, it is so worth it!
My husband says that I have the gift of wisdom, but I don’t see that. Some things are still shrouded by the Aspie brain, but that isn’t always a bad thing. I might get arrogant if I recognized the “wise” things I said or wrote. I don’t want to be arrogant. Right now, I don’t know what they are and my husband and I don’t discuss that. We prefer to keep me this way, unassuming, innocent, if you will, of some of the ways that God works through me.
What I do notice, though, is that I am more at ease in social situations and that is one of the major, astounding miracles that God has done in my life. Eye contact is still very difficult, but I am better. I don’t rock as much when I talk to people and I don’t feel as anxious.
Social issues have plagued me my entire life, causing me to become be very introverted and isolated. But God is working through me and changing me (I won’t say healing me because it isn’t a healing). He is changing me so that I will be able to begin the next part of His plan for me. He has shown me that He wants me to speak to people, to groups.
Beyond that, I will socialize with these people after. I will talk to them one on one, have conversations, shake their hands and even hug them – all of them strangers (but brothers and sisters in Christ). At first this scared me half to death! Then I got really nervous.
Now, though, I am ready for God to open that door. And He will – in His time.
So what is God calling you to do? Is He telling you things that you are skeptical of? Why? What limitations are you putting on yourself? What limitations are you putting on God?
I like perfection. I understand that many Aspies are this way.
I like to do things perfectly, I HATE to make mistakes or have someone criticize my work (because that means it was not perfect). Even with people, one slip can ruin or the relationship. Once the “perfection” is broken, I have a very difficult time trusting that the person won’t do whatever they did again. I also have a difficult time seeing the relationship as whole again. To me, it is marred. This can go on for years.
In my mind, I know that there is no such thing as perfection in the human world. Only God is perfect. I know that people are human and they make mistakes. I know that one mistake does not mean that a relationship is marred.
But it does not make any difference. My brain gets into that loop and I hold to my ideas, my feelings that it is all ruined.
I don’t know how to change that. It has caused some problems in my life. God blessed me with a wonderful husband, though. He is patient and, while there is no way he can truly understand, he tries to understand. At the very least, he accepts.
He gets frustrated with me. I see it, though he tries to keep it contained.
I need perfection; I need to be perfect.
My rational mind, though, knows that that is an aspiration I will never achieve until I am gone from this world, this body.
I have abandoned projects because I went outside the lines while I was coloring or cut something just a little crooked (yes, this started very, very early – as long as I can remember). I remember being a very young child and having meltdowns because I “messed up” a picture I was drawing or a craft I was making. It would torment me for days afterward.
In school, I couldn’t handle making bad grades so I stopped caring, stopped trying. I only did just what I absolutely had to do because they made me. I still made good grades, but by “checking out” I removed myself from the “game” so I didn’t run the risk of failing. I didn’t have to face yet another aspect of myself that was not perfect.
I think that we tend to do that in our walk with Christ, Aspie or not.
I think that we look at the person on the pew next to us and think that we have to meet their standard, be as good as they are because they represent some level of perfection in Christianity.
Aspies probably have it pretty bad, but I have heard NTs say that they feel as if they struggle with being a “good Christian.”
Sometimes, I think that NTs and Aspies are more alike than we may realize.
Christians may feel “defective” because they don’t feel joy by just being one of God’s children, or because they have thoughts that they shouldn’t or they don’t feel God when they pray.
What they don’t realize is that a relationship with God takes work – just like your marriage, your relationship with your kids, your friendships, every relationship you have requires work, why would your relationship with God be any different?
You find joy by spending time with God on a regular basis. You pray, praise, worship, feed your spirit Godly, good and pure things. A by-product of that is you will have power over the bad thoughts and tendencies. They won’t necessarily go away, but you can control them.
And if you want to feel God, just ask. I will write on this later. If you are interested, I would love to hear from you. It would be from an Aspie point of view, you know.
Joy comes from these things. When you seek God earnestly, He will bless you.
He will help you escape the perfect trap.