I don’t really know what I am doing here. I pray, God moves, He puts things on me and people get offended or tell me I do it wrong or write wrong.
I have ASPERGER’S — Hello?
I only write the words that God puts there. I don’t know half of this stuff myself, but when He leads me to places in the Bible, I think, “Oh, OK, I see.”
To be honest, if it were all up to me, I would never open my mouth, never write a word that was offensive in any way (provided I could determine just what is offensive and what is not). I would just go about my business, allowing everyone to do their own thing.
Hey, it keeps people from getting upset with me, right?
Maybe I am tough sometimes, I only write the words as I receive them. I don’t have a good enough grasp of communication to understand what could be considered offensive or harsh – the words don’t seem harsh to me.
Then again, I am an alien. Some days (like today) I don’t feel like I belong in this world. It doesn’t really matter what I think about things, does it?
Some days (like today) I feel all alone in the world – a world that doesn’t want me, welcome me – a world where I don’t belong.
So, I have a dilemma. Do I follow God or do I give in to people and give them what they want?
Do I write the things that God gives me AS MYSELF or do I just give the people fluff?
Or do I just quite altogether?
I don’t know. I don’t see a lot of churches teaching people how to live for God. I don’t see them holding their leadership to a certain standard. I see a lot of complacity and a lot of people afraid of offending someone or hurting their feelings.
Maybe I misunderstood God. Maybe I am the one who is wrong here.
The thing is, I KNOW I am right! I KNOW that this is God’s word and I have Biblical proof of it!
Maybe I should not be talking about standards and holiness, but instead tell you all the feel good stuff. Maybe I am supposed to make you feel like you are going to be just fine instead of how to make your walk with God better and closer and more real.
Then again, most kids would rather have candy and soda than vegetables and milk. But maybe I am supposed to be feeding people the candy and making them feel good about themselves even though they are doing the parts of Christianity that are comfortable (which are often NOT the things that are necessary).
Maybe I am just not cut out for this.
But when I put my hands over my ears I can still hear God.
Is there a switch I can turn this off? Please?