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I HATE to go shopping, especially during times when there are a lot of people but sometimes I can’t help it.

Today was a day like that.

My husband was going to run to the market for the sodas he likes, mushrooms for dinner and brownie mix. But when he came home he had a bad headache (he even asked for aspirin, he doesn’t do that unless he is really hurting) so I gave him the aspirin and told him to go to bed. He is the best husband in the whole world and he would have gone for me anyway, but I don’t want to take advantage of his kindness.

So, I went to Safeway. It was awful.

I guess I went when people were getting off of work because the traffic was bad (noisy and smelly and people don’t watch where they are going – it is too much to process). I am glad it is only a mile to the market.

In the market, the music was too loud and a child was screeching. It was so noisy and people were standing in the MIDDLE of the aisles so I couldn’t get by. They were in my way and even when I said excuse me (even when I said it loud enough for them to hear) they still wouldn’t move. And they walk so slow! They meander up and down the aisled like they don’t know what they are getting. That is why I have a list. I can go get what I need and leave.

Then they didn’t have the right soda. That was very upsetting. I had to decide what different soda to get instead. It was stressful. I don’t do well with deciding on things like that. Menus are really hard and if I don’t know what brand or type to get of something I just sit there and analyze it and analyze it as i try to decide what to get.

I finally made a choice, Cherry Coke Zero (my husband really likes that). And I went to find the mushrooms.

All the fresh mushrooms didn’t look right so I went to get a can of mushrooms (I don’t like canned food, but sometimes I don’t have a choice). The cans were dented or the labels were torn on most of the cans.

I can’t buy products with torn labels or dents (My ex husband used to torment me by waiting till we got to the checkout line after a big shopping trip and he would dent the gallon jug of milk. Then he would laugh when I had to go all the way back to the back of the store to replace it.).

I had to look way in the back of the shelf to find a can that was right and OK to get.

Then the checkout lines were awful. The people were everywhere and they were noisy and smelly and there were three registers open. I stood and stood away from the registers and waited because I did not want to get in a line and have all those people around me. I wanted to just leave but I couldn’t because I needed the things I was getting.

My anxiety got bad, it was hard to breathe. There were too many people and the store was ALL WRONG! The people who were managing the Safeway should have done better to plan and have enough registers open. They were not doing their jobs. The cashiers kept paging the manager and he never came.

I had left my MP3 player at home. It has my praise music and classical music that I use to calm. I tried to listen to the music by playing it in my head, but I couldn’t stay focused. The lights were flickering and buzzing, the people were noisy, the registers were noisy and the smells were nauseating.

By the time I got out and got home I was really stressed. My husband noticed. He said i was quiet. I noticed I was blinking more and harder. But I cooked a good dinner, Steak with sauteed mushrooms and onions and steamed fresh sugar snap peas. We kept most of the lights off and ate in almost dark. He was very quiet too. He was keeping it quiet and less stressful for me. But he was worried. He said so. He kept looking at me. I was fine. I am fine now, but I just feel tired and a little shaky from the stress.

I am going to bed early so I can relax. I don’t like stores or shopping.

 

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